Breastfeeding is difficult. For any of you who have not tried it, please do not let anyone tell you that it is easy. Of all of the things that define motherhood for me, this is waaay at the top and I never in a million years thought that it would be this challenging. Thankfully, I have a healthy, thriving, HUNGRY little girl. She, like many infants, can wake from a deep sleep and be panting for food within about 60 seconds. Usually, I can meet the challenge. But at 4 am, the rules are different. Scott is sleeping, I am tired, and Ella is frantic. Her arms wave in front of her face like a little windmill and when I ask for a "wide open" mouth, she gives me this little pursed-lip opening that is far too dainty for the likes of my software.
Latching on correctly at this point is nearly impossible. During the day, I try like crazy, and we may actually succeed in proper latching, but at night I cannot manage without tears and frustration and the wondering if I am creating some sort of psychological problems in my 2-week-old by giving her food and taking it away repeatedly in search of that perfect latch-on. Will she learn that she cannot trust me, that I am not dependable? This is a basic human need and I feel like I am teasing her with its availability.
But, as Kelli pointed out, I am able to sustain a little life purely with my own body. Perfect latch or not, I am a mother and I can feed my child and bond with her and love her. So, tilting at a tiny windmill or not, I am Mommy, hear me roar!
Here is a close representation of Ella's "hungry face". Please note that as she makes it, she turns away from Mommy and the source of food. What a stinker.
3 comments:
You go girl!! Don't give up without a fight. There are a lot of resources out there. I think the greatest advice is to relax...if you're worked, so will she be.
It took Sam over two weeks to finally get it and for me to stop scrunching up my toes in pain every time I fed him, then he and I got it and we did fine for over a year. I was close to giving in, but I called La Leche and the hospital and everyone else I could to help me and with their encouragement...and some silicone breast shields, we made it! Good Luck, give me a call anytime you need a little boost, I'll be happy to talk you through it.
Good news to report -- I think we are over the hump! Ah, how the miralce of Neosporin and support from friends can help! We are well on our way to happy nursing, day and night. Thanks!
Kelli, we all need to hang sometime soon. We NEVER see you guys!
I agree, that would be so much fun!
I'm so glad to hear that you're over the hump! It just takes some practice. I'm happy for both of you!
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