Last Dr. visit

Today was my last scheduled appointment before my c-section next Wednesday.  The doctor asked me if I was 100% wanting a c-section and I told her no, I just don't want an emergency/unplanned c-section.  I told her that I've not been feeling well the past couple of days... irritable, exhausted, cramping and contracting more.  She was very optimistic... if I come in in labor before Wednesday, we can try a VBAC as long as everything is going smoothly.   Sounded good.  Then she checked my cervix.  Nothing.  She said it has, "gone nowhere" and that Benjamin's head is, "still floating and doesn't feel like it will be going anywhere".   (My interpretation based on how she looked when she said it is that it may not be able to)  Once she felt his head, her expression completely changed and she basically lost hope on the VBAC.  

Honestly, at this point, I don't care anymore.  My body is feeling the strain horribly by the end of each day and I am just short-tempered all day with poor Ella who is just trying to soak up as much Mommy Time as possible.  She knows something is imminent without us even telling her.  She is so snugly and concerned about me, which makes me feel sad.  She should not have to worry about me... but I can't seem to muster enough to keep the smiley face each day.  

I have been ordered to rest as much as possible, which means Ella may very well have some Grandma time this weekend so I can sleep.   Power washing season has begun, meaning little in the way of breaks at home for me unless it rains.  To be fair, it is a huge strain on Scott too as he works two jobs, and I get that.  He will be working his hiney off for the next 2 months.

I feel like a whiney wimp.