Groundhog's Day(care)

Feel free to move on if you have heard this rant before. I feel like I have been here a few times already.

My job is flexible. I love it, I need it to be that way for my sanity. I like that I do not have a 9-5 job that is the same every day. That would make me nuts. However... a smidge of stability would be nice, and I am not at all referring to the mental state of my patients. I am in the first week of my newest schedule, one that I thought I could live with -- which includes working Saturdays, no less -- and it may be changing again.

Thus far, we have been more than fortunate to have family care for Ella. We are eternally grateful to those who have helped, offered to help or wish they could help. We (I, mostly, b/c of aforementioned "flexible" schedule) have worked around the schedules of several family members, doing so mostly happily since they were willing to help with watching Ella. Some can only help on certain days, some at certain times. However, Ella is almost 11 months old and we are in probably the 4th negotiation of childcare -- maybe more but I have to stop counting.

Once again, we are staring down the barrel at daycare. Ick. I am sure that there are wonderful places out there and I hope we find one and I will then update you all as to my infatuation with Mrs. So-and-So whom Ella loves more than she loves Mommy. But for now, I picture germy, snotty-nosed kids who will steal her Cheerios while irritated workers look the other way, wishing that they were home watching Springer. Again, ick. I hope Ella finds her ultimate, all-time BFF at whichever facility we find for her and that the teachers are able to translate her brilliant renditions of sign language (I'll share in another, happier post) and that she is as happy being dropped off at said institution as she is hanging out with Grandma and Grandpa or Aunt Kristy and Cousin Brady (whom she kisses and now gets kisses back!!).

So I am not happy. Not looking forward to find a surrogate stranger-as-mommy to watch my kid even if it is for 4-5 hours 2 days per week. I know many, if not most working moms have to do this. I know kids have survived, even thrived, but this is something I swore I would never, ever do and it is hard to change my own mind on this one.