Like a fish needs a bicycle

I never thought that I would have a problem treating my children as individuals. As a non-parent/parent of one child, it was always very clear to me that each child is his/her own person and needs to be treated and parented accordingly. Then I had a second child and realized that this is not as easy as it seems.

It isn't that I truly think Ella and Benjamin are incredibly similar. In fact, I can easily tell you many of their differences. The problem is that I had a really good groove established. Ella, for example, has always been a super sleeper. She started sleeping through the night really early. (I will not look up the statistic because I honestly don't want the number in my head right now) She LOVED and tolerated solids from the first bite at 4 1/2 months. She has always been really independent (and also has had a way of giving some serious attitude at times).

Benjamin is typically easy going, eats like a hippo and sleeps well -- if I am very near by. He is a Momma's Boy to the core and this is where the destruction of my parenting groove begins. With Ella, I was able to follow all of the rules I established for myself, including "never sleep with your baby", and "don't start a habit you'll later have to break". Benjamin usually sleeps in his crib, but when he does find his way all snuggled up next to me, I have to admit that I love it. He is a great snuggler. Letting him nap or sleep in with me also ensures that I get a little more sleep and let me tell you... when I am getting up at least three times a night most nights, a little snuggly sleeping in is difficult to resist!

Included in his Momma's Boy-ness is not wanting to spend much time out of my arms. I love him, but the kid is closing in on 22 pounds and is not yet 5 months old. Since he is still so young, he does not have a whole lot of muscle control yet, and he is basically dead weight. While I joke that my "Benjamin weight training" is helping me be in better shape for jogging, it really is tiring to lug him around. As an infant, Ella would happily chill out on her playmat for 30 minutes at a time. (This is how I was able to finish my dissertation and graduate on time!) Benjamin, however, typically has a 5-10 minute limit on any activity that does not directly include me. Yes, he loves the Baby Bjorn, but not only does this still limit my activities, he is also about to GROW OUT OF IT! I have never heard of such a thing.

So here is my point. I have been frustrated, trying to put him down, hand him off, have him nap alone, and for the love of Mike, sleep through the night already. But it is not going to happen... yet. He is not Ella. He is not on her timeline. He is on his own timeline and he will get to it when he gets to it. Over the last week, I found myself really getting down because Benjamin was not conforming to my expectations and I started to feel like I really don't know him. He was really fussy all of the time and the fussier he got, the more frustrated I got. I'd try to put him down for a break and he would fuss more and start yelling, then I'd get mad and need a little more distance. (Loud noise physically exhausts me... I don't know why, but it does. It grates on my nerves and just makes me really tired.) I finally realized that I need to come to terms with the fact that we would all be happier if I gave Benjamin what he needed rather than expecting him to give me what I needed. ("Duh!", right?) It isn't that I don't know him, it is that I have been ignoring who he is and trying to change him. So... sleeping all night just is not in the cards for me right now. Nor is a large chunk of time during the day for "me" time or getting things done. Benjamin needs his Mommy and we are all happier if he has me and I am not trying to force independence on him that he is not ready for. Benjamin needs to be treated like Ella about as much as a fish needs a bicycle.

It is much nicer loving the fact that I have a Momma's Boy than loathing it. He is still an infant, after all... even if he is the size of a toddler.