A hard thing about being a mom...

Ella no sooner seemed to be kicking RSV when she came down with what basically amounts to a double ear infection.  The ear infection is not a surprise.  In fact, we have been keeping an eye out for it.  But the poor kid has been very sick for 10 days now and I can see her struggling to get better.  Last night, she was punchy... seeming to force the cheerfulness... until she went to bed and kept waking up crying through the night.  For the last week or so, her mood has been off, resulting in numerous time-outs, she has had a fever for 6 of the 10 days and right before/during it all, she endured the whirlwind of Christmas and a trip to Chicago.  

Ella was unimaginably brave at today's doctor's appointment... talking to the doctor, hamming it up with Grandma and the nurses.  She even had a talk with her stuffed moose on the way to the office, telling him if he was brave, he would get Tigger, Pooh and Dora stickers (which is true -- Grandma keeps her well stocked).   But when we got home and I had to give her some medicine, she just couldn't take it anymore.  Watching my little girl at the end of her rope and struggling to pull it together just tore out my heart.  She was sobbing, with tears running down her pink little cheeks.  But as much as I wanted to let her curl up on my lap, skip the meds and rest, I had to make sure she took her full dose and put her in her crib for a more beneficial sleep.  

So far, making Ella do what is best for her has not been overwhelmingly difficult.  But a little kid just should not be so worn out and my "I'm doing this because it's good for you" and my "come here and cry in my arms" instincts are definitely at odds with each other.